2004 House Clark “Simpson” Awards
Most Annoying Performance
DIANE KEATON – Something’s Gotta Give
A Mighty Wind by Christopher Guest
Best Ensemble Cast
A Mighty Wind – Christopher Guest, Eugene Levy, Michael McKean,
Catherine O’Hara, and Jane Lynch.
WTF did I just see? (two way tie)
The Room by Tommy Wiseau and Identity
Most overrated movie
Lost in Translation
Best juvenile performance
Sosuke Ikematsu – The Last Samurai
Notes from awards committee:
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King is a towering triumph of a movie, and is awarded the Best Motion Picture Simpson award. Also voted Best Picture by the Academy Return of the King is a modern epic, and a fitting conclusion to the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Moviegoers flocked to see it. The film grossed over $1bn, and awards from the critics and fellow filmmakers rained down. Return of the King won all 11 Oscars it was nominated for, putting it level with Ben Hur and Titanic. Giant battles, spellbinding storylines and heroic figures - Return of the King had everything JRR Tolkien would have demanded. Quite an achievement.
After a rare agreement with Oscar on the top motion picture, not a single Academy winner or nominee for Best Actor and Best Actress matched up with the HouseClark awards. Trust us, all the best performances of the year were snubbed by the Academy. We are here to correct that mistake. Uma Thurman is awarded the Best Actress Simpson for her stunning, action-packed performance in the female revenge thriller, Kill Bill: Part One. The Best Actor Simpson is awarded to Russel Crowe for his steely performance of a cunning, aggressive and noble sea captain in a seafaring saga set during the Napoleonic Wars in the early 1800’s. Russel Crowe is the centerpiece of an action movie of unparalleled beauty.
Fun Surprises -
Underworld – A kick ass action movie with vampires and werewolves starring Kate Beckinsale in a skin tight leather jumpsuit.
A Mighty Wind – was loaded with comedy genius. American Folk Music Culture at its most fun and comical.
Kill Bill: Part one – Uma Thurman is Wonder Woman with a samurai sword. EXPERTLY choreographed, precise fight scenes and unforgettable set pieces. Not for the squeamish movie fan.
Open Range – Hooray! Westerns are not extinct yet. Let’s go on a cattle drive. A great performance by Kevin Costner as a cowboy trying to escape his violent, troubled past. Hint – he needs a good woman to set him straight.
Somethings Gotta Give – It was just one cringe scene after another. Worst movie of the year by a wide margin.
The Last Samurai – The movie is a bit all over the place and way too long. Only for hardcore Tom Cruise fans. And for the record, a French officer, Jules Brunet, was the real life Last Samurai.
Gods and Generals – The movie is a tribute to General Stonewall Jackson, the greatest tactical battlefield general of his day. Well played by Stephen Lang, Stonewall is the main star and has the most screen time. But how you could make a movie centered on Stonewall Jackson, and not highlight the Shenandoah Valley Campaign, his military masterpiece? Plenty of interesting military history was left out to make room for way too many creaky, stagey gabfests.
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl – Johnny Depp hit a gold mine with these pirate movies in the 2000s. As Captain Jack Sparrow he dressed up like a drag queen and wore more eye make-up than Elizabeth Taylor in Cleopatra. Kids loved it.
Lost in Translation – a boring, slow pokey story of two American lonely hearts in Tokyo. Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson make an odd geezer/Gidget couple. Their onscreen chemistry isn't strong enough to override the creepiness of their cheating flirtations.
Monster – Despite all the bias, it didn't convince me to feel sympathy for serial killers.
21 Grams – An endless pity party. Unbearable.
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