2004 House Clark “Simpson” Awards

The Academy Awards ​

House Clark Awards ​

Best Picture
LOTR – RETURN OF THE KING
Master and Commander…
Seabiscuit
Lost in Translation
Mystic River
​
Best Actor
SEAN PENN – Mystic River
Johnny Depp – Pirates of the Caribbean
Ben Kingsley – House of Sand and Fog
Jude Law – Cold Mountain
Bill Murray – Lost in Translation
 
Best Actress
CHARLIZE THERON – Monster
Keisha Hughes – Whale Rider
Diane Keaton – Something’s Gotta Give
Samantha Morton – In America                
Naomi Watts – 21 Grams

Best Picture
LOTR – RETURN OF THE KING
Master and Commander… 
Open Range
Kill Bill – part one
A Mighty Wind

Best Actor
RUSSELL CROWE – Master and Commander… 
Stephen Lang – Gods and Generals  
Tom Cruise – The Last Samurai  
Kevin Costner – Open Range 
Viggo Mortensen – LOTR – Return of the King

Best Actress
UMA THURMAN – Kill Bill – part one
Annette Bening – Open Range
Catherine O’Hara – A Mighty Wind
Kate Beckinsale – Underworld
Lucy Liu – Kill Bill – part one

Most Annoying Performance 
DIANE KEATON – Something’s Gotta Give   
                                                                                                               
Best Comedy   
A Mighty Wind by Christopher Guest  
                                               
Best Ensemble Cast  
A Mighty Wind – Christopher Guest, Eugene Levy, Michael McKean,
​Catherine O’Hara, and Jane Lynch.    
                                                                                                               
WTF did I just see? (two way tie)
The Room by Tommy Wiseau and Identity   
 
Most overrated movie  
Lost in Translation   
 
Best juvenile performance
Sosuke Ikematsu – The Last Samurai  

Notes from awards committee:

Lord of the Rings: Return of the King is a towering triumph of a movie, and is awarded the Best Motion Picture Simpson award. Also voted Best Picture by the Academy Return of the King is a modern epic, and a fitting conclusion to the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Moviegoers flocked to see it. The film grossed over $1bn, and awards from the critics and fellow filmmakers rained down. Return of the King won all 11 Oscars it was nominated for, putting it level with Ben Hur and Titanic. Giant battles, spellbinding storylines and heroic figures - Return of the King had everything JRR Tolkien would have demanded. Quite an achievement.
 
After a rare agreement with Oscar on the top motion picture, not a single Academy winner or nominee for Best Actor and Best Actress matched up with the HouseClark awards. Trust us, all the best performances of the year were snubbed by the Academy. We are here to correct that mistake. Uma Thurman is awarded the Best Actress Simpson for her stunning, action-packed performance in the female revenge thriller, Kill Bill: Part One. The Best Actor Simpson is awarded to Russel Crowe for his steely performance of a cunning, aggressive and noble sea captain in a seafaring saga set during the Napoleonic Wars in the early 1800’s. Russel Crowe is the centerpiece of an action movie of unparalleled beauty.    ​

Fun Surprises -

Underworld – A kick ass action movie with vampires and werewolves starring Kate Beckinsale in a skin tight leather jumpsuit.   
 
A Mighty Wind – was loaded with comedy genius. American Folk Music Culture at its most fun and comical.   
 
Kill Bill: Part one – Uma Thurman is Wonder Woman with a samurai sword. EXPERTLY choreographed, precise fight scenes and unforgettable set pieces. Not for the squeamish movie fan.  
 
Open Range – Hooray! Westerns are not extinct yet. Let’s go on a cattle drive. A great performance by Kevin Costner as a cowboy trying to escape his violent, troubled past. Hint – he needs a good woman to set him straight.   
 
Disappointments -
​
Somethings Gotta Give – It was just one cringe scene after another. Worst movie of the year by a wide margin.  
 
The Last Samurai – The movie is a bit all over the place and way too long. Only for hardcore Tom Cruise fans. And for the record, a French officer, Jules Brunet, was the real life Last Samurai.
  
Gods and Generals – The movie is a tribute to General Stonewall Jackson, the greatest tactical battlefield general of his day. Well played by Stephen Lang, Stonewall is the main star and has the most screen time. But how you could make a movie centered on Stonewall Jackson, and not highlight the Shenandoah Valley Campaign, his military masterpiece? Plenty of interesting military history was left out to make room for way too many creaky, stagey gabfests.
 
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl – Johnny Depp hit a gold mine with these pirate movies in the 2000s. As Captain Jack Sparrow he dressed up like a drag queen and wore more eye make-up than Elizabeth Taylor in Cleopatra. Kids loved it.   
 
Lost in Translation – a boring, slow pokey story of two American lonely hearts in Tokyo. Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson make an odd geezer/Gidget couple. Their onscreen chemistry isn't strong enough to override the creepiness of their cheating flirtations.
 
Monster – Despite all the bias, it didn't convince me to feel sympathy for serial killers.
 
21 Grams – An endless pity party. Unbearable. 

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2005 awards

2003 awards